Blogger's Note: In the interest of keeping this blog interesting and diverse, I sometimes stray from the beaten path and post something random, unusual, or off-the-wall. The following is just such a post.
Having finally completed the build of the Steampunk Protostar, I decided to don my 'writer's cap' and concoct the following fictitious, humor-laden account of the 'history' of the craft:
Enjoy....
Following are excerpts from the journal of the esteemed inventor and adventurer associated with the Protostar, one Prof. Thaddeus P. Zamphyr.
Professor Zamphyr, along with his assistant and builder, Hiram S. Bulch, have been deeply engaged in developing, constructing, and testing a rocket vehicle for well over a decade. Their ultimate aim is, of course, a journey to the moon.
The account highlights begin here:
April 1895 - "Upon initial attempt at a launch of the steam-driven Moon Vessel, we found, to our consternation, that the steam pressure we had built up was by no measure adequate to budge the craft by even a handsbreadth. Nothing of significance was accomplished save the production of a substantial amount of smoke and steam, accompanied by a great noise."
May 1896 "After attempting to modify the steam drive for optimum pressure and nozzle velocity, we experienced only slightly improved results, yet not near enough to approach propelling the vessel. It has become quite apparent that an entirely different system of propulsion will be necessary in order to realize success. A very disappointing setback, indeed."
December 1896 "Word has come to us of a maker of solid gun powder-based propulsion devices! The said firm is located across the Atlantic, deep within the interior of the continental United States of America. I propose to send them a letter of inquiry right away, in the hopes that this company's product might prove to be a solution to our dilemma."
June 1897. "Following successful negotiation and proper payment to the firm mentioned in December of last year, Mr. Bulch and I have acquired some of their black powder propulsive devices, and are forthwith engaged in modifying and refitting our vessel to accommodate them. The proprietor assures us that the devices will perform admirably, provided we follow the precise instructions and precautions associated with their use. The gentleman does, by no means, guarantee that his 'propulsors' are adequate in strength to permit our vessel to reach the moon, but he postulates that they will provide a 'jolly good ride' into earth's atmosphere. We shall be content with that."
July 1897 "From experimentation with our new American-made propulsor, Mr. Bulch and myself have busied ourselves with the design and testing of the system recommended by the firm for igniting them. This requires the use of electricity, a discipline of which neither of us is intimately familiar. I must consult the latest scientific journals and published papers to remedy this situation."
September 1897 "Success,! We have managed, by our newfound electrical knowledge, to ignite one of the propulsors in a ground-based test. We are now free to continue preparations of the vessel and, eventually, embark on our adventure. Mr. Bulch and myself have retired to the parlour this evening for a celebratory glass of Sherry and a good Havana cigar, and to discuss final preparations! Cheers!"
September 1897 "Following our string of successes, I employed a professional photographer to take images of our vessel, copies of which I sent off to the propulsion firm in the United States. The representative was duly impressed by the fruits of our efforts. He proposed that the vessel should be named 'Protostar'. I have no inkling of what this means or what a proto star might be, yet I found the moniker to be quite satisfactory. Mr. Bulch was in full agreement."
December 1897 With our vessel now named and nearly made ready for its maiden flight, I sent a letter off to Her Majesty The Queen to inform her of our endeavor and to ask if we might have her Royal blessing and permission to christen the vessel as the H.M.M.V. (Her Majesty's Moon Vessel) Protostar.
February 1898 Received a letter from one of The Queen's ministers, that read thusly:
"It is my sad duty to inform you of Her Majesty The Queen's response to your recent query. Her Majesty has stated, in no uncertain terms, that she considers your endeavor to be representative of the utmost form of absurdity. Her Majesty also strongly denies permission to associate The Crown with such 'quackery'."
March 1898 "All is in readiness to partake of our maiden flight into the unknown aboard the Protostar. All supplies and necessities are made fast, and a full check of the vessel has been thoroughly conducted. This present volume of the journal will end here. The second volume is aboard the craft, ready for entries describing our journey."
No further news or journals of this adventure have since been found. The fate of Prof. Zamphyr, Mr. Bulch, and the Protostar vessel remains to this day, shrouded in mystery....
